Learning about our own communication style

This week we completed an exercise that evaluated our communication anxiety, verbal aggressiveness and listening style through self evaluation and via evaluation by two other people. I chose to have my husband and one of my colleagues evaluate me. I was surprised that all three  evaluations showed similar results in the verbal aggressiveness and listening style exercises, while they varied greatly in the communication anxiety exercise. My self evaluation confirmed that I have significant anxiety communicating in group settings. The larger the group size, the higher my anxiety level. However, my husband noticed less communication anxiety overall, and my colleague noticed the least. I found it interesting that I am apparently able to conceal my communication anxiety and be an effective communicator in the workplace. As a result, Ione insight I gained about communication this week is that no matter how anxious or nervous you are about something, if you believe that you can do it then you will be able to conceal your anxiety better than if you do not. Concealing your anxiety and presenting your position confidently raises your effectiveness as a communicator. People are much more likely to consider your position if you present it in a confident manner. The other insight I gained this week regarding communication is that if you conduct yourself in a manner that respects the viewpoints of others and you work to change their position by arguing fairly and disputing the facts rather than the person, you will receive much more respect and be a more effective communicator while helping others maintain their dignity. This is especially important if you wish to enter an administrative position, but is also important to remember when working collaboratively in any field.

Effective Communication with colleagues, neighbors and family

Considering all the aspects that make up culture, including but not limited to race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, varying abilities, and so on, diversity is all around us. Within my workplace, neighborhood, and even within my family, there is significant cultural diversity. Many of us communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures, according to our comfort level with the person and with their culture. I am also guilty of this. I find myself falling into the trap we learned about in class this week of communicating less with people whose culture differs from ours. For example, I notice that I communicate differently with one member of my family, who is of a much higher socioeconomic status than I am, and portrays herself as better than everyone else because of this; than I do with members of my family whose socioeconomic status is similar to my own. I converse much easier with those of similar socioeconomic status than I do with those whose socioeconomic status is higher than mine. Perhaps this is because I feel I can't relate to them because I feel that I place higher value on relationships while they seem to place higher value on having the latest gadget. Reflecting on ways to help me communicate differently, I have decided to try the following strategies:

1. Apply the Platinum Rule: Treat others they way you think they want to be treated. (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011).

2. Develop Appropriate Knowledge. I will make more effort to learn about how others communicate in order to understand their perspective and communicate in a way they prefer. (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011).

3. Avoid negative judgments. This one is especially difficult, because we are always developing opinions about someone or something based on our schema. Our prior knowledge shapes our beliefs about a person based on their appearance, demeanor, communication style, etc. By avoiding forming an opinion about someone until you get to know them, you open yourself up to new and different experiences, and develop new understandings. (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011 and Gonzalez-Mena, 2010).

Most importantly, I think that bringing this information to colleagues and even supervisors, especially when working with families and children, is essential to creating an environment that is inclusive to all families. All teachers and personnel working in schools should be aware of this.

References

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Communication

This week we were asked to watch a television show that we do not normally watch, and watch it first without sound while trying to make sense about the characters and their relationships based on the nonverbal behavior we observe. We were to then watch the same show again with the sound turned on and evaluate our first impression.

For this assignment I chose to watch an episode of the Big Bang Theory. I have never watched this show before. During the first few minutes of watching the show with the sound off I initially thought that some of the characters might be friends from the way they were interacting with each other, such as talking animatedly, touching each other, and the hand gestures they used. Regarding two of the characters, I initially thought they were just friends until they started kissing each other passionately. I was incorrect in my assumption that one of the girls switched cars during a road trip because of a fight with one of the other girls. I thought they were having a fight based on their facial expressions, eye rolling, and later avoiding each other's gaze. Later, towards the end of the episode, it is clear that this group of friends is not getting along well because of the facial expressions and gestures they make during a symposium where they are supposedly presenting on the interdisciplinary interactions of science and society. By the end of the episode, it seems they are all angry with each other.

When I watched with the sound on, my impressions of what was going on were mixed between correct and incorrect. I was correct in that the characters knew each other, and some were friends, but it appears that some are more than friends and some may just be colleagues. I was correct when I was able to discern arguments, but was incorrect in whom they involved, especially when one of the girls switched cars during the road trip. I would have never imagined some of the topics they argued about (some inappropriate, so I will not detail them). I was generally correct when I judged someone as being embarrassed too. This was because they generally turned flushed or hid their faces. 

I think that if I had watched a show I knew well I would not have been so attuned to the nonverbal communication of the characters, because I would have assumed that I knew what was going on. I would already know the relationships among the characters, and therefore would have watched the episode without much thought. Therefore, I can say that in general, when interacting with people who are less familiar to me, I am more attuned to nonverbal communication than I am with people who are very familiar to me, because I assume I know what the other person is thinking or feeling if I know them well, and I will tune out both verbal or nonverbal communication that does not fit with my preconceived notion. It is important to be mindful of these cues, with all people you interact with, because you may not know what the person is thinking or feeling just because you know them well. This can lead to miscommunications and damage to personal or working relationships. I think we tend to be more mindful of people we don't know, because we don't want to offend them. We need to keep this in mind even with people we are very familiar with.

Competent Communication

This post represents a new chapter in my course of study at Walden University. This semester we are studying Communication and Collaboration in the Early Childhood Field. As I think about the many people I interact with on a regular basis, I notice that some of them are better communicators than others. I, myself have some challenges communicating my thoughts, ideas and feelings in a calm manner. This has even carried over to my professional life and I have made great strides in learning to express myself professionally, even when I am experiencing strong emotions regarding a particular topic or incident. Despite this, I have a long way to go.

 

I am inspired to become a better communicator by many of the dedicated teachers I have the pleasure of working with on a daily basis. I have two colleagues at my current school who have especially stood out in demonstrating competent communication, even in emotionally charged situations. I am not going to use their full names in this post, just to maintain their privacy. Mr. T. and Mrs. R. both exhibit extremely calm demeanors, even in difficult situations. When addressing issues involving students, both educators approach the student on a one on one basis, in close proximity, and calmly, quietly speak to the student about his or her behavior and what the expectations are in the classroom. Both educators also seek to understand the student and his or her needs in a respectful manner before any disciplinary actions are taken. This measure is important because we learned that it is just as important to try to see things from the other person's perspective before we try to get the other person to see our perspective. Both teachers are able to communicate effectively with students and staff, because they clearly state their hope, need, or direction to staff or students. As a result, both teachers have earned educator of the year awards, and I look to them as role models for how I try to approach different situations.  Their openness, honesty, composure and respect for students and colleagues leads to effective communication and results in students learning and colleagues working together. I hope to be that kind of teacher as I continue my career.